Screw it!! I Love You Anyway!

Screw it! I Love You Anyway!

reposted on November 18, 2011

 

When was the last time you told yourself I love you and meant it.
I did it just the other day and would like to believe I meant it but how could I have meant it when I look at who I am.
I'm the same girl who doesn't go to church every Sunday at least not anymore.
I'm the same girl who has had sex with a guy who I'm not married to then instead of feeling guilty had more sex.

I'm the same girl who cusses like a sailor
I'm the same girl with stretch marks on her belly
I'm the same girl who wears  a magic girdle to hide her not so magical body
I'm the same girl who used to snort coke and crystal meth.
I'm the same girl whose boyfriend beat  her in the face with his basketball high tops
I'm the same girl whose boyfriend put out a lit cigarette on her breast
I'm the same girl who slept around on my man before
I'm the same girl whose been married more than once
I'm the same girl who drinks and sometimes work aint over yet
I'm the same girl whose grandma said My hair was too long too thick and too nappy
I'm the same girl whose mothers boyfriend fondled her breast when they were really only
big enough to be called nipples
I'm the same girl whose father died from cancer before we could resolve our issues
I'm the same girl whose first born son died because she didn't know how to keep him safe.
I'm the same girl who has tried to kill herself numerous times
So I ask again: How in the world could I possibly mean it when I say I love me?


I'm sure every woman in here can relate to something I just said in some way shape or form.
I believe because of it so many of us walk around hiding behind the different
masks we wear to cover up our real feelings about ourselves. Think about it. Yes we all
want to look our best but how many of us spend an excessive amount of time in the mirror
wanting everything to be just so. Hair fried , dyed and laid to the side. Make-up flawless and feet rocking the latest name brand shoes with the toes polished so fancy you don't know whether to walk on em or just lay em out to be sucked. Your clothes must be the latest, sexiest thing. You must have the hand bags and accessories. Doesn’t matter if they are knock offs or the real thing its just has to look fly!

We as women are constantly fretting over our appearance.
Why? because someone told us that’s what a woman should do.
Whether it was the booty shake videos, the skinny models laid out in the magazines,
The girl in school who always seemed to get the guys we wanted or maybe it was our own
sister who seemed prettier.
Whatever, whoever, it has us believing we constantly need to be on top of our appearance.
We constantly need to be ready. We have to show men and  the world we are good enough.

How many of you cried when President Obama was elected? Let’s be real,when was the last time you cried when a
public official was elected? You know why so many of us cried.
You will say because he was the first black president. I will say it is because deep down
he represents the one thing that anyone whose ever felt like an under dog has been waiting to achieve;He represents acceptance.

 Looking at him we can believe that being black can still mean being accepted. Looking at him we see a black man who had a choice and with all  his political ambition he still chose a mocha face, relaxed hair, straight talking sister from the city of Chicago to stand by his side and help him lead . He represents a man
especially a man of color who was still living with and taking care of his family and proud of it. He represented a man who didn't have to be drenched in scandal and “jockin da hoes” even though he had the money and power to do so.
The point I'm making ladies is we cried because deep down every single one of us feelslike were not good enough. In that moment when he was elected we not only saw a black president but we  saw  hope in a confusing and cruel world.

So what do I want to say to you today to help you on that journey to self love?
Well first I say screw it and forgive yourself, change what you truly can and put to rest what you can't.
I want you to stop for a minute and just think about one thing you wish were different
about your past. Now immediately I want you to get up and go change that past experience.

Right now. What's wrong? You think I'm crazy well then we all are if we still think we can change the past. We cant ! So first and foremost you gotta say "screw" it and forgive yourself.
Nothing anyone said or did in the past is happening to you now so have peace with the fact. Have peace in the  fact that he is not actually cheating on you or beating on you. He did it already and its over. He's not still raping you the bastard is gone. Your not still aborting that baby I don't see any doctors in this room. In this moment no one is telling you your ugly or fat or skinny. The only one talking right now is me and I'm saying "screw it all and love yourself anyway.

 Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being born into a world of
imperfect individuals. Forgive yourself for not always knowing the right thing to say or the right decision to make. Forgive yourself for not having an hourglass figure, big boobies, little boobies, big butt, flat ass, big nose, tiny lips and whatever else you were born with that does not determine your worth.
Believe it or not its easy to buy into the crap our society throws at you.
Or the crap that others dump on you to make you feel small because we all
want to be accepted. It's time to realize how special you. I'ts time to realize how unique yourlife is. All the things you look at as failures and downfalls can also be the very things that make you special and help you to realize how loveable you truly are.

Lets take all the things I mentioned earlier about myself that made me feel so unlovable and unworthy.
For example, instead of beating myself up for not going to church. I can say I love myself because although I may not go to church everyday, I have a special relationship with GOD. One that only I have with the supreme being. I can talk to GOD about anything and everything and GOD listens to me, guides me and still loves me even when I'm screwing up.The same way you love your kids even when they’re getting on your last nerves.

I can say I love myself even though I have slept with lots of men some that I didn't even know very well .  I can say I love myself because I now know sex isn't love and its not a replacement for it. I can take the experiences and all that I learned into a healthy relationship. I  can learn from my mistakes what it takes to be a strong woman and how to give and receive real love.

I can say I love myself even though I cuss like a sailor because that can also mean I have a creative and colorful use of colloquialisms and am not afraid to speak my mind.

I can say I love myself even though I have had  abortions and then later gave birth to a child only  to watch him die later.  I mourn his loss but know I am strong because I choose to forgive myself and move on. I am worthy to be loved even when I was too stupid or blind to understand love.

I can say I love myself even though I have stretch marks on my flabby stomach and more curds and whey on my thighs than Miss Muffet on her tuffet. I love myself because my marks represent my remaining beautiful children who are smart,funny, educated, God fearing, independent young adults, who will hopefully make many good decisions and be productive members of society.


I can say I love myself because even though I been beaten in the face with a shoe and burnt on the breast with a cigarette. I now recognize crazy when I meet it and when crazy comes over I cross the street. I know the signs of abusive men and I'm strong enough now to recognize I don't deserve to be abused. No woman does.

I can say I love myself because even though I'm the same girl who's been raped, fondled, tried to take her own life, and still has daddy issues. I'm Also the same girl who has educated her daughter on rape prevention taught her sons that no means no, let go of things and people that I had no control over and learn the value of life and the power of Love through the message that I serve an all knowing, all seeing all forgiving GOD.

So you see ladies all the things you think have broken you and torn down your self esteem only make you the strong beautiful woman I see here today. SO check yourself and if your doing things to hurt yourself and others put a stop to it. Ask yourself why you think your not worthy and take that very same response and turn it into the real reason why you are worthy. You have your own unique beautiful personalities and talents to share with the world. Your feet thighs, lips , hair , butts , boobs and eyes are all sexy to someone. You don't need what she's got because you got what your supposed to have. Make it work for you. Take all of it the good and the bad and make it something great. And when you think you cant handle it do like I do. Pray about it. Then fix yourself a drink stand in the mirror naked. Admire your dimply ass and stretch marked stomach then smile and say "Screw it I love you anyway!"

From WIC bread to @ss whoopins in 7 minutes flat...hmmmm

From WIC Bread to Ass Whoopins in 7 minutes Flat

 

 

How do two people who do not even know each other go from discussing WIC bread to @ss whoopins in  7 minutes flat and walk away like 2 psychologists who just did an hour long OPRAH special. How? well Ill tell you how.

 It all started in the grocery store line with the  clerk discussing the ungrateful white woman who just left the line while cussing at the clerk because she couldn't purchase her Wic bread since the store was out. (Oh did I say purchase" my bad" I mean she was pissed because she couldn't pick up her FREE bread)Why did it matter that she was white? It really shouldn't but we usually associate  that kind of "ghetto" behavior with black people. I mean aren't WE the ones  who are supposedly always wanting the free stuff. (NOT!  but this is just the type of stereotypical thinking we are sick of). She she and I continue on to discuss how not only do white people want to steal our welfare and our WIC  (LOL) but in their efforts to completely emulate the black culture they now dance on beat and are growing apple bottom booties at the rate of one white woman every 3 minutes. I mean really how and why are all these white girls popping up with the  big, perfectly round ,"cant spill a drink on em if you tried, booties". Of course we can only assume they are growing these mega butts because the black men want all the best features of the white woman and the black woman all rolled into one. Well now they better look out because this is fast becoming the year of the  black woman and white men are standing up and taking notice. We insist that black men will soon get jealous and see what they are missing but by then white men will have taken over over hearts and we'll be trading Denzel for Robert Downey Jr. Any way, why don't the black men want us? well they say we are too angry and have too many issues. Yeah we're pissed off . Pissed off at the lack of in home fathers and suitable partners who want to forge a real commitment that lasts past the inside of our thighs and maybe stand up and help raise their children. We're pissed off because we want more black men who make it out of poverty to return to the neighborhoods they escaped from and help improve our communities. Not just run off with the first blonde that gives them a hello and never look back. We are some strong pissed off b#tches. Tired of wearing the pants.However being a bitch has helped us single moms trying to keep our sons out of jail and our daughters from getting pregnant. On the up side thanks to technology the teens are smarter than ever but thanks to black folks still trying to be accepted and approved of we are chasing the almighty dollar harder than ever and leaving technology to raise many of our children. So on the downside our teens are violent as hell. They lack respect for themselves and authority with their pants sagging, wanna be grown selves. The girls aren't pregnant as much because they are  having oral sex at 12  and saying they're still a virgin and  ironically the young MEN have trouble finding a woman to lose THEIR virginity to. But, thankfully my newly found grocery clerk best friend and I shared certain values. WE both believed in throwing away our daughters clothes when they got too tight, NOT letting young people talk to us as adults, NOT letting the  TV raise our children. Also answering our kids questions openly and honestly about everything from sex to drugs and NOT leaving it to their well meaning, misguided friends.

Finally and MOST IMPORTANTLY giving out regular @ss whoopins as needed with no fear of our children calling the police, or better yet HOPING the police will show up as we are administering the @ss whoopin . Both of us trusting in the wisdom of an @ss whoopin to insure our children would become the well rounded, respectable adults they now are.

 So there you have it! This ridiculous rant among  2 strangers somewhere in a line between the tampon aisle and the frozen food section  is how we went from WIC bread to @ss whoopins in 7 min flat.....hmmmmm